44: failing

i want to fail

and i want to fail because i'm so scared of showing that i'm failing.

one of the biggest areas in my life where i hold myself back is failing, and failing in front of others. in my mind, it's embarrassing. in reality, it's not. putting effort into something you aren't good at is fine and that's the only way i'm going to get better.

today i failed in public. after getting up and skating, i wanted to get better at skating switch. when you are riding a skateboard, you typically get on the board with the foot you are most comfortable with, and push with your other leg. skating switch is the opposite. and i'm not very good at that. but that's okay.

i went to battery park city and found a spot where i practiced pivot turning while skating switch. i sucked. on the first couple tries, i fell and rocketed my skateboard into a kind old man's leg. he was okay. but i kept failing. and i liked that. i liked being outside and having fun while failing. i did this for hours until i got really hot and tired, in which i went to get a free slurpee!

i went back home hungry and decided that i wanted to make something new since i'm tired of eating the same things over and over. so i decided to learn how to make pad thai! except the lazy way because i didn't want to buy all the vegetables.

i picked up some rice noodles, tamarin concentrate, fish sauce, sugar, and a lime. not going to lie, i was pretty lazy so i just winged the sauce and didn't soak the noodles long enough and you can guess how that went. pretty bad. i can't say i've had worse pad thai ngl. but that's okay because i'm happy with this fail. i'm happy that i went out and did